Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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