Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're a waste of cheezeits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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