Tell her she can't have a vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
