i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
