i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
