Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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