i may or may not be watching the land before time
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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