There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
