he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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