Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
