How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
