The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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