i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
