this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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