no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
