He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
