On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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