yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
