Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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