9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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