I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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