dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
