Your face is a jimmy john
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
