the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have post one night stand depression
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