I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
