____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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