So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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