Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
