Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
