Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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