I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
