Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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