We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
