When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
