So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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