your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
