Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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