I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
