Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
