it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
