how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
