My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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