It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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