i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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