More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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