I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
