Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
someone owes me an orgasm
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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