she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
