I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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