I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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