I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
