I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize