That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
