I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
