Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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