I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
