a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You don't make any sense
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