but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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