Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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