I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I FOUND THE LEGS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
