he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
