Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
