All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
4 words: hood of his car
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
